Szabinak hála olvastam a nyár-ősz folyamán két olyan könyvet, melyek megnyitottak előttem egy új dimenziót. A címben foglalt író a szerzője mindkettőnek. Nem túlzottan szépirodalomról van szó, de mindenképp szórakoztató irodalomról, kicsit sem árnyalt fogalmazástechnikával és kifejezésekkel, mégis valahogy zseniálisan. A lényeg, hogy olyanok voltak a könyvek, hogy bármikor felröhöghettél és elundorodhattál olvasásuk közben és időnként olyan nyelvezetet használtak, hogy javasolt volt figyelni ki ült melletted, mert ha beleolvasott, lehetett egy véleménye. Na erre én már ott is szartam! :) Pár sornál tovább egy gyenge halandó, aki nem látja, mondja, gondolja ugyanezeket vagy hasonlókat legalább hasonló stílusban, nem sokáig jut. Így észleltem, ahogy a kezemben lévő könyvre időnként egy tekintet vetült, majd fél perc után fura arckifejezéssel siklott is tovább. Én köszönöm, hogy elolvashattam e két művet és rájöttem nem csak én vagyok egy állat legbelül.
Néhány idézet az átérzést megkönnyítendő:
That night, after suffering through a TiVoed three-episode Real World marathon, I'm rewarded by her letting me fuck her doggie style. As I look down at her fat ass, I wonder if fucking her hard enough will have any kind of slimming or toning effect. Couldn't hurt.
I want to say something mean, something wrong, something that will make me feel that this entire day isn't a complete waste, but I know if I do Casey won't suck my dick until tomorrow at least, maybe even the next day.
She jerks me off a little before I push on her head and she gets the hint to stop fucking around and suck my cock. While she does, I look over at Marie Osmond's smiling face on the cover of Casey's new book. I pretend Casey's mouth is Osmond's cunt and I try to hear Casey slurping as Osmond sobbing. Aside from Casey spitting my semen all over my stomach which she always fucking does, it ends up ranking in my top five blow jobs of all time.
Then she kisses me with one of those dream kisses that make you think when you wake up you'll have been married to the person who kissed you for twenty of your happiest years of your life.
I get tipped off that this probably isn't real when my old family dog who died when I was ten walks in and says, "Do you guys have change for a five?"
I find a room that's not a bedroom but it's dark and it has a door I can close so I go in... I lock the door behind me leave the lights off and hit the floor hard enough to wake the bitch up from her booze coma.
She says, "What took you so long? I thought you just had to go to the bathroom."
The five words she doesn't actually slur sound like mush by the time they get to my booze-soaked brain so I have no fucking clue what she just said. But when she starts unbuttoning my pants and licking my belly button, I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm somebody else. Even though the room's pitch black, I can tell it's spinning just before I pass out.
I come to and I'm kind of surprised by somebody licking my balls and jerking me off. I'm even more surprised by the fact that I'm wearing a rubber. For some reason I become horrified at the possibility that the tongue on my nuts belongs to a guy. I reache down and squeeze two very well-made tits unencumbered by any clothing and my mind's at ease. The room's spinning a little but it's kind of nice in conjunction with the blow job from a complete stranger.
I realize that I'm actually cheating on Chasey by letting this bitch suck my cock. At first I think the complete absence of guilt is directly related to the amount of booze I've been drinking. But somewhere through the spinning haze a bright and strange ray of truth emerges. It's not the booze, it's the ease. I would probably cheat on Chasey all the time if I had to put out as little effort as to do it as I am right now, drunk or sober.
From my crotch I hear, "So you are going to move me to advanced, right?"
I'm fucking clueless I don't answer.
She stops. "Tim you're gonna move me up if I do this, right?"
I've never met Tim, but I bet his voice sounds something like this: "Yeah, keep going."
I'm pretty hammered and it takes what I estimate to be fifteen minutes to get anywhere near shooting a load. It's when I'm squeezing her tit with one hand and controlling the pace of her head bobs with the other that I feel her start to finger my asshole. It's a first for me and it doesn't feel good per se, but it's not as bizarre as I might once have thought. More than anything, it gives me an idea.
"You know I can pull some strings for you even after the next level if you're willing to do a little extra."
"Are you saying you can get me to Sunday Company?"
"What do you think?"
"Well, I guess you are one of the people who votes on it... what do you want me to do?"
Thirty seconds later I'm balls-deep in her asshole and she seems to like it, corroborating my suspicion that all women secretly like being ass-fucked. I tell her to talk dirty, so she says: "Oh yeah, fuck my ass. Fuck it harder." So I do for another few minutes, then I pull out, peeling the rubber off as I do so it's still hanging out of her asshole when I turn her around and shoot a load all over her face and in her mouth.
I lie back in the dark start pulling my pants back up. She's wiping my semen out of her eyes with a towel she found in the dryer. Wanting to be faithful to Tim, who I can only imagine is a complete fucking asshole, I say, "Welcome to Hollywood."
Carlos the gay friend: I'd like him to plow my ass like a cabbage field.
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